Kindness - Guest Article by Susan Shirley
Kind. Such a small word with such a big meaning. The Collins dictionary defines it, in the context I’m using it here as an adjective, Someone who is kind behaves in a gentle, caring, and helpful way towards other people.
On the face of it, that would seem quite easy to achieve, and yet, it doesn’t seem to be happening. More and more I see people being rude, aggressive and completely inconsiderate to others. Discarding used face masks in the street (and frankly, any litter) and not complying with Lockdown rules are just two cases in point.
I remember when I was younger, it was common for some of my friends to be cruel and make jokes at the expense of other people, we all thought it was funny and cool, and I am ashamed to say that I bought into that and participated. And thinking back, all it did for me was that I was “keeping up with the Joneses” and being part of a gang.
Life is tough, especially with so many people losing their jobs and we can all do with things that make us feel better and being kind is cheaper than taking chemical stimulants. So why aren’t we kinder and why aren’t more of us kind?
Novelist Paulo Coelho articulated it well when he said, “How people treat other people is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves.” If people are in pain, whether physically or emotionally, I believe that our focus turns inwards. We start to be unkind to ourselves, telling ourselves that we are too fat/thin, too stupid, too lazy. The detail doesn’t matter, it all amounts to telling ourselves that we are not enough in some way. The only way we can make ourselves feel better is by making someone else feel bad. Looking back, I think that was what was happening with my gang.
There is a lot of evidence to show that if we are kind to other people, it boosts our levels of serotonin (commonly known as the feel-good hormone). Stop and think about that for a moment. Think about how you felt the last time you did a small random act of kindness (maybe you helped someone when their shopping bag broke or you gave up your seat on a bus?). Didn’t you feel good for a little while afterwards? I know I feel better when I can make someone else feel a little bit better. And it is so easy to do.
Two of the easiest ways to be kind to someone, and it has a massive impact, is just to smile and say thank you.
Smiling really is contagious. If you smile at someone appropriately (probably best not to sit grinning from ear to ear when you are telling someone they are losing their job) it can make a huge difference.
Saying thank you is such a small act of appreciation, but it makes a huge difference. I think people notice it more when someone doesn’t say thank you – how many times as a child did your mother say, “What’s the magic word?” Not abracadabra but thank you.
Let’s all start by trying just these two things and see if we can’t make life a little bit easier for everyone.
Susan is CFCIPD and qualified coach with over 20 years of experience in both specialist and generalist roles. She is also a Chartered Manager FCMI. She says one of her greatest privileges was to work at the Palace of Westminster, an absolutely stunning building. In the past, she has mentored for the National Mentoring Consortium and for the CIPD. She is currently a code of conduct volunteer with the CIPD.
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